A Bad Case of the Baby Blues

Friday, June 1, 2012

It all started after Carter's birth...the hormones were raging and the sleep deprivation was in full effect.  My first break down was during Carter's first bath.  The nurse was bathing him and he was screaming and crying and I that's when I lost control, sobbing!   A few hours later all it took was a "How are you, Paige?" from my father in law and I burst into tears.  Those first days in the hospital were tough, not sleeping, not being able to walk or move, or even sit.  On my second night I remember sitting in the jacuzzi (all the nurses suggested I sit in it to help my soreness) and it was the first time I was alone and I just cried, not really sure why I was crying, but again the mix of hormones, no sleep, and just the overall birth and life-change, and overwhelming love I felt for Carter.

The worst was on the morning of our discharge from the hospital.  The lactation consultant warned us that the second night can be bad...and she was right.  We didn't sleep at all.  Carter screamed all morning...and I just cried.  In my mind leaving the hospital was supposed to be this wonderful event.  I see all of these happy "leaving the hospital" pictures on Facebook and I imagined us that way too. He had his adorable Kissy Kissy "going home" outfit and hat. But instead of this picture-perfect departure... he screamed the entire wheelchair ride from our room to the car and....I just cried and cried.

Then maybe it was in my head from reading a blog post from Littlebabygarvin.  But from the moment I got home from the hospital I was overcome with sadness over not being pregnant anymore.  I was not a glowing pregnant lady.  So I was surprised when I walked into my house and teared up and immediately thought back to 2 days before when my water broke and getting ready for the hospital.  Then I walked into my bedroom and saw my snoogle pillow on my bed and I just about broke down with the realization that I didn't need that anymore.

This continued for about the first week or two post-pregnancy.  I would cry because I didn't feel his kicks and hiccups inside of me.  I would cry when we heard a song that I would sing when I was pregnant.  I would just cry at the thought of the pregnancy being over.

It was a bad case of the baby blues.

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