One year ago..

Sunday, November 22, 2015

I'm a little happy, a little sad, and it doesn't even feel real.  One year ago I woke up and was still exhausted.  I laid in bed for 2 hours that day then mustered up the strength to go to a tailgate party.  And a few hours later had a contraction and 2 hours later Reid was born.

That seems like a lifetime ago.  But today it is one year.

His party is over.  He smashed his cake, played, ripped open presents, we sang, went out to dinner, and read lots of books.  And tonight I held him and rocked extra long as I replayed last year.

In the hospital I cried (sobbed) for days after Carter was born but with Reid I was just happy.  I was able to walk around and wasn't in excruciating pain like with Carter.  I was scared that the year ahead would be filled with a screaming baby, but Reid surprised us and was more calm.  He let other people hold him and sat in a bouncy chair and he slept in a room full of noise.

In the first few days my only sad feelings were felt for Carter.  His whole world changed and I worried about him.  He was a momma's boy and Christian had to work hard (and took on the role of "Mr. Fun Pants" to take over some of what I did.)  Everything was a game and super fun and eventually Carter began to buy into it.  (Later Christian had to revise his ways, as Mr. Fun Pants couldn't survive forever.)

When Carter was one it was a celebration of survival.  That was a tough year- nothing could have prepared me for Carter's babyhood.  And although Reid was a happier baby he still was up multiple times a night and I was still laying in bed with insomnia.  I really tried to take it all in with him.  I think back to the year and remember that first month with such fondness (and obviously blocked out all the night wakings.)

When Reid was 5 days old we took him to Thanksgiving.

When he was 7 days old we decorated our Christmas tree and showed him each ornament as we hung them (and he slept through it all.)

And he slept through his first visit with Santa too.

Things were obviously different this time because he and I were out running errands to target and bed bath & beyond when he was only a few weeks old (with Carter I didn't dare take him in a store for months- he screamed that much.)

For the first 2 months Carter still went to daycare so I got to spend those early days with just Reid, usually snuggled on my chest, nursing and sleeping.  And I remember the fussy nights too.  I would rock him and dance in the dark in the kitchen with Christmas Canon and a Dido song on repeat.  

Then in February Carter stayed home and it was an adjustment and I spent so much time rocking Reid to sleep and rushing to play with Carter.  It was tough.  I felt stretched.  I was trying to do everything and felt like I was doing nothing well.

Adjusting to two was tiring.  Reid never took a bottle so I was very limited with time away.  In one year the longest I've been away from him is 5 hours (for Carter's field trip.)

I have spent countless hours breastfeeding him and rocking him and smooching his chubby cheeks.  I wish I could bottle up his cheeks and his big smiles.

And somehow we made it to today. And I can't decide if I want to freeze time, rewind and do it all over, or keep moving forward.

But everyday I am so grateful for these boys and for this life we live.


  1. Replies
    1. Thanks Lillian! Hope you are enjoying these days with your little one!!


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