It all started in October when I decided it was time to wean Reid. He was, after all 23 months old. There were a few days when I was actually kind of annoyed that I had to nurse him before nap and just felt like I was over it. So one day he went down without nursing and we never looked back. Those first few days were freeing.
But 4 days later I started seeing spots and felt dizzy. I thought it was from not drinking enough water or the start of an ocular migraine (which I had in the spring.) And that was the start of daily headaches, insomnia, seeing spots, shoulders so stiff they ached day and night, hundreds of google searches trying to figure out what was wrong with me, and days when I didn't want to get out of bed to deal with my children.
There was very little I could find but a few blogs or articles from girls who seemed to have the same symptoms after weaning.
My breaking point also occurred the day after Carter fell head first off of the monkey bars. I was sure he had a concussion. (He didn't.) Then a few hours later Carter jumped on the couch and landed on Reid and then Reid couldn't move his arm. After a 2 hour urgent care visit we luckily realized it was another case of nursemaid's elbow. But my head was pounding so hard and my shoulders were so stiff that I knew it was time to see my doctor.
I started on an anti-depressant as many of those girls I had found had too. And within days I felt normal again. My shoulders were better, my headaches went away, I started enjoying my boys again and feeling less burdened.
I had never been on any medications before and I was resistant at first, but I am so glad I finally decided to give them a try.
It's been about 3 months since the start of this and I am sure that this was all connected to weaning. Although my doctors won't call it Post-Weaning Depression or Post- Weaning Anxiety I truly think it is. And I so wish there was more about this so girls like me can figure it out sooner and not feel like I did for 6 weeks- just waiting to snap out of it.
I didn't cry and I didn't feel sad, but my other physical symptoms were obviously how I reacted to my body no longer producing those feel-good hormones from nursing.
My friends have noticed a change in me and I feel so much better. I know some people are against medications but they truly helped me and I'm not ashamed of it.
Thank you to the sweet girls who checked on me and was wondering where I was. I'll be back to blogging again soon, hopefully very soon. And please share this if you know a mom who is weaning or just stopped nursing and is struggling. I think there are more of us going through this than we know.
***Just a side note- I did not have any of these symptoms when I weaned Carter at 16 months. I wrote about my nursing and weaning with him here.